Les Get Cookin'

~ Sunday, 09 March 2014 ~

Chef Les

Last night was the final date on the Eat Pray Laugh! tour of the U.K. and our hero did not disappoint. Despite picking up a terrible case of the trots from a Mexican fact finding mission, Les battled on bravely.

With all the major and minor T.V. networks in the audience Les pitched his new culinary show Les Get Cookin'. Needing to impress Les cooked up his signature dish, Rissoles. Minced meat, onion, courgette and spices all mixed by fingers of a former Australian diplomat. Unfortunately, due to an enlarged saliva duct that he’s had since birth, the ingredients were a little moist, but a quick roll in the flour and it was onto the hot plate.

A couple were brought up from the audience to assist Sir Les. The woman seemed to be overcome standing so close to Leslie and she lunged at his trouser snake. Les was quick to react and kept her probing fingers out of harm’s way. As we know the Patterson appendage is reserved for Thai shelias, government sponsored ceiling inspectors and on a rare occasion, Lady Gwen.

Sir Les had to pay a second trip to the onstage lavatory and that was the last we saw of him. But surely the sight of his beckoning hand around the dunny door, gesturing for anything absorbent, can’t be the last we’ll see of him.

Rumours are that Barry Humphries will take Dame Edna on a U.S. leg of the Eat Pray Laugh! tour. We don’t know if the Sir Les combination of culture and cuisine will make it across the pond.

Sir Les at the London Palladium

~ Saturday, 29 June 2013 ~

The Eat Pray Laugh! tour of the U.K. will include a two-month residency at the London Palladium from November 13. Shows then continue around the country until March 2014.

Sir Les 2013-2014 U.K. Tour

~ Friday, 22 March 2013 ~

Chef Les

The Eat Pray Laugh! dates have now been announced on the tour web-site.

Sir Les will be whipping up authentic Australian tucker across the length and breadth of these British Isles.

Sir Les Returns to the U.K. in 2013

~ Saturday, 08 December 2012 ~

The Eat Pray Laugh! tour finally arrives in the U.K. for a string of dates in autumn 2013.

  • Milton Keynes Theatre – October 23rd to 26th
  • Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff – October 30th to November 2nd
  • Edinburgh’s Festival Theatre – November 5th to 9th
  • Final transfer for a season in the West End, venue to be announced

Let’s hope that Sir Les, now a celebrity chef, can get his barbie through customs.

(via Mail Online, Broadway World and Playbill.com)

Eat Pray Laugh!

~ Saturday, 21 July 2012 ~

Chef Les

Finally reviews of the Eat Pray Laugh! tour have started to dribble in.

WA Today:

The shows opens with Sir Les Patterson, undaunted by chronic diarrhoea, conducting a celebrity cooking segment in his backyard. He’s as uproarious and politically incorrect as ever: the trouser-snake, the creamy saliva, the demented overbite, and the unabashed political incorrectness; this supreme incarnation of all that’s dire about the Australian male hasn’t changed a whit. And the packed auditorium went wild for it.

The Age:

When it premiered in Sydney two weeks ago, Sir Les had returned from the Mexico City G20 Summit with an upset stomach (“Montezuma’s revenge”) and an ambition to become a celebrity chef. “Since when did diarrhoea interfere with gourmet cooking?” he croaks, his dribble sizzling on the barbecue with his rissoles.

More spice with that? Les has got plenty, some past its use-by date: “I can live without turmeric,” he slobbers over one of the girls from his quartet of hot-bod dancer-helpers, “but I won’t say no to cumin.”

Alas there are no photos of Les’s brother Father Gerard, the Catholic priest who has “touched everyone he has ever met”. I’d wager that Gerard has the same rugged good looks of his former diplomat, now celebrity chef, brother Les.

Barry Humphries to Retire

~ Saturday, 17 March 2012 ~

According to reports in The Telegraph, Herald Sun, Adelaide Now and The Courier-Mail Barry Humphries will retire after his Eat Pray Laugh! tour.

What this means for Sir Les is uncertain, Humphries says:

Les has become a celebrity chef. We’ll have a kitchen on stage and Les working away, clearly preparing a meal for political colleagues.

What are the odds on Sir Les cooking with cheese. Fondue anyone?

Update: Footage of Dame Edna, Barry Humphries and Sir Les, announcing their collective retirement has surfaced on YouTube. The woman presenter correctly classifies Sir Les as the “thinking woman’s bit of crumpet”. (Thanks Mike).

Also there is an official Eat Pray Laugh! website.

The Traveller's Tool ENLARGED

~ Tuesday, 24 January 2012 ~

The Traveller's Tool ENLARGED

This announcement from Sir Les himself has just been posted on YouTube:

Hi there my old mate the Australian taxpayer, Sir Les Patterson here.

Now if anybody should be the voice of Australia Day it should be bloody me, diplomat and mate of the Australian taxpayer. So this Australia Day I’m releasing something special, my new comedy CD and book, The Traveller’s Tool ENLARGED. It’s packed with practical advice for the modern man on the move and the woman who waits on him hand and foot.

Get yourself a load of Sir Les. Come on Australia!

Sir Les Backstage

~ Friday, 02 September 2011 ~

Footage of Sir Les backstage at The Priority One Concert has surfaced on YouTube.

This shows our hero ‘shredding’ – as I believe the youngsters call it – on his ‘hot pink’ instrument. Strange that Sir Les chose that particular guitar to warm up on as he generally favours a Fender Stratocaster.

Sir Les at Christmas

~ Monday, 23 May 2011 ~

Sir Les at Christmas

Another clip of Sir Les on Parkinson has been uploaded to YouTube. This time Sir Les is in a festive mood with fellow guests Martine McCutcheon, Tom Jones and Alistair McGowan. It appears that only Sir Les was appropriately dressed for the season.

As usual Sir Les is full of facts gleaned from years in the diplomatic community. Who would have known that Astrid was Scandinavian for astride!

But it’s Lady Gwen who becomes the main topic of conversation.

She’s nice but she’s boring. She could bore the arse-hole in a wooden horse my wife. I mean that lovingly.

Because she gets lonely Sir Les bought her a little dog. Over time the dog stopped responding to her whistle due to an excess of hair in it’s ears. Sir Les suggested buying some hair removal cream from the chemist. Before Gwen could explain the chemist said:

“If you’re using it on your legs, plenty of soap and water because it’s caustic. If it’s for the armpits more soap and water. And if you’re using it on your face Lady Patterson, really you better wash it off quick.” She said, “Actually it’s for my Schnauzer.” He said, “In that case don’t ride a bike for a fortnight.”

Martine in shock

It’s only when Parky is winding things up that Martine glances over at our hero and cops an eyeful of his trouser snake. Are you with me?

Tom’s got a bit of competition tonight.


~ Wednesday, 06 April 2011 ~

Sir Les & 'Woges'

Yes, ‘Entertainment’ is the word on most of Sir Les Patterson’s cheque stubs. This is according to the man himself, announcing the 1984 BAFTA for Best Comedy Series, live from the Grosvenor Hotel in London.

Sir Les kept the celebrity audience entertained by telling a historic joke that had never been told in mixed company before. Thankfully it was suitable for primetime and concerned a little old lady in King’s Cross and three Australian drag queens.

Good old Terry ‘Woges’ Wogan managed to keep it together even when Sir Les announced that he was going to ‘open something up and whip something out’. That would be the winner of the BAFTA for Best Comedy Series, Paul Jackson for The Young Ones.

I’ve got a bit of a cold tonight so if I cough, put your hands over your mouths will you.

According to the BAFTA Awards Database is appears to be 1984 and not 1985 as titled by BlocksVideos on YouTube.