Sir Les Patterson

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With news of Sir Les being practically non-existent, it’s thanks to YouTube user iano444 for uploading an interview with Mike Parkinson. Apart from ‘circa 1985’ in the title there’s no other description. It must have been a show that Mike did down-under as the other guests were: Barry Jones), Australian politician and Jackie Weaver, Australian actress.

Sir Les is impeccably dressed in a new ‘bag of fruit’ from a new tailor in Kowlo who supplies them a half dozen at a time. He is still championing Australia around the globe, always dipping into his slush fund whilst suffering from permanent jetlag.

Mike probes our hero and learns that Sir Les will indeed be attending the Royal Wedding at St. Paul’s Abbey, which seems to indicate the wedding of Andrew and Sarah in 1986.

Of course no interview is complete without a plug for The Australian Cheese Board. This time a fine Tasmanian Stilton had been in for a sniffing, the only way to appreciate fine cheese.

The best was saved until last and this beautiful:

Ode to Parky
by Sir Les

There’s a bloke who’s keenly watched and widely read
Who always hits the nail on the head
In the UK he started his career
Now he’s hit the jackpot over here

If he gets nervous, well it’s never showed
His face is like a mile of rugged road
His crows feet are the dried up beds of smiles
And his best friends are aware that he’s got piles…
of charm, pazazz and british spunk and phlegm

Of TV interviewers he’s the gem
He could interview a Zulu or Iraqi and make it interesting
His name is Parky

This bloke can conjure laughter and applause
In the wake of ratbags, puffs and crashing bores
And if he’s pushed for spicy dialog
He’ll ask you if you’ve ever nudged the grog

The TV critics here are chippy guys
They’ll try to chop old Parky down to size
A few might say, “Go back where you’ve come from”
“We won’t be taught charisma by a pom”

But he knows the average Aussie journalist
Is following orders, jealous or half pissed
He smiles, he does his job, he doesn’t care
When you’re the ace, where do you go from there

So whether you be Hun or Nip or Darkie
Raise your glass of lager, rum or Saki
And drink to my old cobber
Dear old Parky

Brings a tear to the eye doesn’t it.